I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
