I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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