just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
