when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
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