i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
