So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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