Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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