the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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