He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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