I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
