Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
