I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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