i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize