Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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