No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
