The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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