if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize