Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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