I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
