I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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