try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My life is pants optional.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
