I cockslap morals
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
