Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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