a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
