Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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