So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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