she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
