i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
