So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
