oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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