I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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