I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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