New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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