it hurts more in the daytime
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
