i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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