She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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