Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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