Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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