I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
