Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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