I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
