Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
