are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
