about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
