the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
