His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
