i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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