I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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