Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
