My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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