So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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