Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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