I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
