Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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