I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I came so hard my ears popped.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
