I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize