i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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