Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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