it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
