He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
