There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
