my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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