hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
