i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
