I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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