Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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